I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
