Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
