you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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