If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
