oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
