Already got asked if we're dating
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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