the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
