You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
