Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
