I seem to have left my pride at pride
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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