I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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