I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
