Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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