They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
