Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
