What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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