Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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