I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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