I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
