And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
