Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
