my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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