I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
