Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
