she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
