respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
