Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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