i just google imaged poop.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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