i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
