connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
