it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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