Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
