I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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