Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my shit smells like andre
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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