So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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