this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
