Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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