So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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