What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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