I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
