So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
