Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
