I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
