Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
