Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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