rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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