and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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