We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
