im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
