you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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