Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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