i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
